Attack of the Mutant Potatoes

In the sands of a remote North Carolina island, home to Blackbaird, one of the wealthiest and cruelist pirates in the world, mutant potatoes suddenly appear.  Having seen them with his own eyes, Blackbaird  knows it only means one thing:  an attack of the mutant potatoes.

IMG 6419

The pirates would stand no threats.

“Come any closer and we shall be forced to julienne you with our swords or turn you into mashed potatoes!” shouted Blackbaird.

IMG 5752

He waited for their response, but none came.  Instead, the three mutant potatoes inched closer to the ship, which was docked just 20 yards away from what looked to be the lead spud.

spudstrio.JPG

What was just three mutant potatoes, suddenly became countless. An army had formed.

In the dark, they multiply and mutate without a sound.
In the dark, they multiply and mutate without a sound.

Hidden below deck, the weapons lay ready.

IMG 5758

Grab your weapons, men!” There’s a whole army out there!”

“I’m not afraid of stinkin’ (and rottin’) potatoes!”  “Bahahahahahaha!”

pirate.JPG

You can say that again!”

Bluebaird.JPG

IMG 5754
“You can say that again! You can say that again!”

“They are mutating again.   And getting closer.   Arm your battle stations!”

DSC 0013

“Ready. Aim. Fire!”

IMG 5759

The potatoes were no match for the cannons.

“Retreat, retreat!” commanded Captain Spud.

DSC 0015
Captain Spud knows he must save his men.

And just like that, a much greater threat to the potatoes appeared: Four giant, hungry guinea pigs! They were native to the island and loved potatoes.   Even mutant ones. Especially the mutant ones.

IMG 6407
I smell potatoes.
IMG 6407
“Whatever he said.”
IMG 6407
“Did someone say potatoes?”
IMG 6407
“Can’t we just eat grass?”

One by one, the potatoes began to disintegrate out of sheer terror.  It was not a pretty sight. Other potatoes watched in horror, unable to reverse the damage.

DSC 0017
“We need back up. We need back up!”
IMG 5757
BOOM!

The pirates were relentless. “Fire!”

Suddenly, the mutant potatoes vanished into thin air.

Word is… they are still there.   Every once in awhile, a drunken beachcomber will swear he saw a mutant potato.  Or was it a crab?

"I'm a crab."
“I’m a crab.”

The End

*This is what happens when I finally get to cleaning out the potato basket in my pantry and hanging out with my son and his favorite pirate ship.

 

2 thoughts on “Attack of the Mutant Potatoes”

Your Thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s